A Stalked Prude on PNN

A Stalked Prude

Posted by Ask Astrid Posted on: 06/11/08

A Stalked Prude

Dear Astrid,
    I have a stalker. Well, I don't think he's actually stalking me, but there is an older guy who I always run into when I go to Starbucks, and he makes me feel very uncomfortable. The first time I saw him he stopped talking to his friend as I walked by. Then, when he thought I was out of earshot, he told his friend "Now, she's got game."
    I usually go to Starbucks twice a day, and I have been for quite awhile now. There are a few others regulars I always see in the morning, but I don't see anyone as often as I have seen him lately. I tried going to different Starbucks stores, but I kept seeing him all of last weekend, and he tried talking directly to me at one point. He asked why he always sees me alone. Don't I have friends? Or a boyfriend? I told him that I do, in fact have both. I was cold to him, then walked home in a zig-zag pattern, just in case he was following me.
    I am in my twenties, and this guy is probably in his forties or fifties. I feel that his advances are totally inappropriate. Am I a paranoid prude, or do I have justification in my feelings?
-A stalked prude.

Dear Stalked Prude,
This guy sounds creepy. For some reason, many women (including myself at times) try to talk themselves out of their gut feelings. I am glad that you are acting on your suspicions and trying to keep a distance from this "stalker" rather than "being nice" to him, and potentially endangering yourself.

Here are a few ways to getting rid of this guy.
   Talk on your cell phone. This is my favorite way of avoiding anyone around you that you don't want to talk to. (I use it to avoid petitioners outside of grocery stores all the time!) You don't have to even actually talk to anyone. Just open your phone, press a few buttons, and pretend you're listening to your voicemail. Or pretend to call someone, and just say an occasional "uhuh." Be sure to put your phone on silent first though. Nothing will blow your cover like your phone ringing while you are supposedly talking on it!
   Ignore Him. If at all possible, pretend you don't hear him talking. If he says something while you are already bee-ling by him, don't turn around to answer.   Pretend you are on a mission and need to get out of Starbucks fast. (In fact, you are on a mission. Mission: get rid of stalker).
   Be Rude. I have a friend who is always friendly and finds it impossible to be rude to anyone. Her pleasant demeanor helps her make many new friendships. Unfortunately, it can also help her gather a nice little collection of unwanted advances from men as well. Don't smile, or engage in extra conversation with this guy. As much as it may hurt you to do it, give yourself permission to be rude.
   Just Say it. If he still doesn't leave you alone, try saying something directly to him. Be straightforward and firm, but don't say anything directly insulting. (Calling him a perverted jerk will just piss him off, cause a scene, and potentially put you in danger).
   Go Somewhere Else. Honestly, I hate this option. I don't feel like you should have to change your habits because someone else out there is being a creep-o. But if this guy gets worse, it may be best to venture out of your Starbucks comfort bubble. On the bright side, you'' probably be able to find a cool little place that brews even better java.

Hope that helps!

Love, Astrid