The age old question that makes me immediately think of...

... When Harry Met Sally.

Can men and women "be friends" after they have dated?



I think it is possible, but not probable with most relationships.

Let me be more specific.

You can probably be friends if...

• You only went on one or two dates with that person.

• Intimate contact was very minimal (ex. A hug, or a quick peck)

• You both fell for other people.

• You have a common interest that few of your other friends share (ex. You both love going to pinot noir tasting festivals, comic book conventions, etc.).

• You enjoy each others company, but are not attracted to each other in the least.

• You both want to be friends.

• Neither person is harboring secret feelings for the other person.

You probably won't be friends if...

• You dated for an extended period of time.

• You were in love.

• Your relationship was very intense.

• Your relationship ended with one (or more) of the following: cheating, drinking, hitting, shouting, throwing things,

Of course, that's not to say that you absolutely must sever all contact with that person if you fit into the "won't be friends" category.  If your split is mutually agreed upon, clean, and without much drama, then you may be able to share the occasional email (or such).  

If you do decide to keep in contact with an old flame, I suggest that you come up with "a plan."  Decide...

• How long you will wait after your break-up before commencing communication, decide how often you will communicate (every six months, when something big happens in your life...)

• When you might communicate (pick a date? Time of day?)

• How you will communicate (email, phone, coffee chat, etc.)

• And perhaps most importantly, decide what you will talk about.  Are you going to stick to platonic subjects like work, family, and friends?  Will you mention casual dates?  When will you mention new relationships?  How detailed will those conversations get.

But Why?
Before you consider talking to an old flame about "being friends" I think it is very important to ask yourself this: "Why do I want to be friends with this person?"  Are you trying to hold on to the relationship, or do you genuinely want a friendship with this person?  Only you answer that question, and it may even take you awhile to come up with a true answer.