Where is he?Looking for "The One"

Dear Astrid,

I’d like to meet a nice guy.  I'm looking for a real, serious relationship.  Maybe even "the one." But I don’t know where all the cool, good guys are hiding.  Where do I go to find them?

-Looking in the wrong places

Dear Looking in the Wrong Places,

Your letter totally reminded me of Ted on my favorite tv show, How I Met Your Mother.  Have you seen it?  He's looking for "the one" too.

Anyway, down to business.

Strategies for finding a good guy vary, depending on whether you live in the city, a town, a suburb, the country, etc.  Since I don’t know where you live, I’ll give you some advice and strategies that you (and other readers) can apply to your specific situation(s)

Where to Go

First, you need to decide what you are looking for in a guy; once you know who you are looking for, you will have a better idea of where to look.  Example: if you’re looking for a well educated, professional guy, who has the soft demeanor of Jane Austen’s Edward Ferrars, but the kissing skills of Danny Zooko, you probably aren’t going to find him doing keg stands at your local dive.  He’s probably having a low-key beer with his buddies somewhere, or checking out a new band, or reading a book at home, or watching a movie, or out looking for a gal like yourself, or playing video games with the guys… there are a number of things he could be doing.  But he’s not at the dive, I’ll tell ya that.

That being said, don’t go looking for guys in places that you would rather not visit.  While there is something to be said for trying a new restaurant, bar, concert, bookstore, etc. that you think seems cool, don’t visit a place you don’t want to go to just to find a guy.  Example: If you hate playing pool, don’t go to a pool hall just because there are lots of guys there.  You probably won’t find a guy you’d like anyway (unless he was dragged there by friends, and then he’ll be so busy sulking in the corner that you won’t even notice him).

Think about the guy to gal ratio in the place you have chosen to go to.  Example: you probably won’t find a straight male that is over the age of fifteen and worth dating at your local suburban mall. 

Another tip...

Ask your friends if they no anyone you think might be a good fit for you.  Don’t harp on your friends to collect dates for you, but asking around your close group of friends to see if they know any cool single guys is a good idea.

And as for personal experience…
I actually met my current sweetie at a party.  Not a crazy party full of drunk strangers who wanted to hook up with someone for the night, but a little get together a friend of mine was throwing.  He was a friend of a friend, we started chatting, and that was that.

Hope that helps!
Astrid