Teen Worries About Wedding

Dear Astrid,

I know this question might sound a little odd, but lately I've been worrying over it. What if I never get married? I mean, I feel like there is so much pressure on women to find a guy, but what if I never do? My family say of course Ill meet somebody, and then they point out my good qualitites, but I'm not so sure its that easy. My family might notice my good qualities, but will a guy? I have a while before I should even be thinking of marriage, but this thought has been nagging at me in the back of my brain.

Thank you,

-WorryingTeen

Dear Worrying Teen,

Hi Worrying Teen.  I am going to start off by telling you something that may sound like very bad news to you.  Promise me you'll hear me out, and stay with me until the end of the letter.  It gets better, I promise.

You may not get married one day.

Or you may get married, then divorced, then married again, and so on.  Or perhaps you will marry, but your husband will die young.  Or maybe you will marry the wrong person, but never divorce him and live miserably for the  rest of your life. 

Never marrying doesn't sound too bad next to those options, does it?

I don't want you to think I am discouraging your from getting married someday, though.  You seem to have decided that a marriage is something you want in your life, and I don't see any reason why you shouldn't get everything you want in life.

However, to get what you truly want out of life, I suggest you change the way you are thinking about two things: yourself and guys.

1. Yourself.  Believe your family when they tell you about all your great attributes.  Think of other great attributes you have on your own.  Learn to feel so great in your own skin that there should be no doubt in your mind that others will see your shining personalty just as well as you and your family can.

2.  Guys.  I encourage you to stop thinking of boyfriends and husbands as people who will use separate criteria to evaluate you than your friends or family would.  The guy you want to be with will see you exactly as your family and friends (except with a bit more of a sexual eye).

Also, keep in mind that it is a bit early for you (as a teen) to worry about whether or not you will get married.  I encourage you to focus your energy on the above two bulleted items, and other interests you have, rather than marriage.

Remember, there is no reason why you shouldn't get everything you want out of life.

Hope that helps,

Love, Astrid.

photo credit: www.arbutusphotography.com